You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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