my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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