So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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