My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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