rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
