I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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