Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
