i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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