Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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