Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
