How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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