Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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