miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
