i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
