this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
