Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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