God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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