You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
