Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED