I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you