i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
