he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
