Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously