Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
