he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
