Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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