Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
