1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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