I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
