when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
