I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
