i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my poor anus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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