If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
