Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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