I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
