I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
