I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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