First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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