All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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