I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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