oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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