Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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