It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
