i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
