Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
