she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
