do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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