went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
