Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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