i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Terrible idea I love it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
