"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize