I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
