I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
