I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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