You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
