Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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