at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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