508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
