youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
