Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
