yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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