the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
