Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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