Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
