can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
