He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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