We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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