guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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