i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
