I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
my liver is dry heaving
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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