he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
