I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
