Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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