Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
