Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
