brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
there is puke in my bra ... again
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
