Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
