i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
